you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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