They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
