ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
