Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
