My nipple is on Facebook.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
