my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
