Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
