I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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