she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
