I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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