woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
last night I used snow as a chaser
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