She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
