is your mom at the bar?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
