So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
