And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
