i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
