I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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