it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's like iHOP with fire
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Randomize
