there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
