I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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