we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
