I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
