I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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