I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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