It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
