I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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