I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
