Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
