The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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