im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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