check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
