mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
