I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
