I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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