you would pick up someone in the library
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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