Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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