In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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