sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got inside last night via doggy door
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
