We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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