Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
