So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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