his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
