Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
