people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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