So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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