I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
