You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
