He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize