I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
