Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
