I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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