Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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