According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
