i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
