Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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