i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
