I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
