hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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