Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
