mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
