And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
