some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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