Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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