he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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