I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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