Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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