Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
